See (below) what happens when death is at your door? All that bologna we worry us, let bother us and complain about are SO NOT IMPORTANT!! When something shocking happens suddenly we remember what’s really important: to just love, accept and forgive each other for not being perfect. But sadly, something like the below has to happen for us to get our head out of our ass. The email below is from my friends friend…I do not know this woman, but it could be any of us. So I’m passing it to all of you as a wake up adn reminder. It IS thanksgiving. Hug your spouse. Hug your kids. Be grateful for the good things. For tomorrow, it could all be gone.
Read the below…from a wife about her husband….who has cancer and has moved home for the end….I changed the names…Life is short, don’t waste it with the BS.
“There are moments in the day when I’m still in shock, speaking to myself, “This can’t be happening”, followed by extreme sadness, a pain in my gut. Not like my heart is breaking, its deeper than that, like my soul is dying inside. It sucks and just writing ‘It sucks’ doesn’t even justify how much ‘It sucks’. And the loneliness I feel right now is beyond words.
It was just yesterday that I realized how lonely I am. For months, he and I were a team, more than we’ve ever been in the 16 years we’ve been together. We talked openly about every deep thought we had through the years, planned for the fight with the determination to be healthy again, allowed ourselves to feel and accept love, and shared all of this with our family and friends. And now, I sit alone, quietly watching him leave me little by little. He’s still with me when he’s awake and we laugh at how hot I microwaved the soup or how I easily forget what he wanted to drink. We make comments about the shows we watch and sometimes, we just lay around, holding hands. He gets annoyed with me if I mention anything about having visitors and he yells at me if I’m banging around in the kitchen too loud (although I’m trying to be tiptoe quiet). It’s a glimpse of normal and I hold tightly to those moments.
His voice isn’t as strong and he’s a bit wobbly, but he’s still mentally with me. I know, as the days progress, he will sleep more and there will be more hours of quiet. I picture it in my mind, but there is still a bit of denial that I feel. Every time he is ready to nap, I tell him I love him and I get choked up knowing that he may not wake the next time. It’s a hard place to be, and no matter how much I want him here, I cannot save him and I definitely don’t want to prolong the inevitable. He deserves his dignity and I vowed to be the best wife ever and follow his wishes.
My kids are emotionally detached and don’t understand the full scope of loss. Most of the time, they are in their own electronic world, escaping the reality that is in front of them. When I ask them to spend some time with their dad, they sit there awkwardly, not knowing what to do or say. I had them write letters which helped them express their thoughts. My husband told them that in the future, if they need his help, just talk to him and he will be listening. He will be there to help. I know the kids will need me most after all of this and that this event will affect them for the rest of their lives. It’s scary to think that I will be making decisions on my own but at the same time, I’ll be speaking to my husband and I know he will be there.
Honestly, I’m not sure why I’m sharing this all with you. It’s all so intimate and personal. It has come naturally for me to jot down and share my thoughts and I want to thank you for listening. I want to thank you for supporting our fight. I want to thank you for believing in our strength and love and giving us this time together. The pain I feel in my gut is filled with so much appreciation for you and your love and friendship. My husband has so much love and appreciation for all. When he goes, the angels will be doing some crazy touchdown dances, haka, celebrating like they own the heavens because they just drafted their number one pick. They are so damn lucky, just like us.”