Did anyone realize how important that catchy tune “Let It Go” (sung by the amazing voice of Idina Menzel) from the Disney movie “Frozen” would become?
It was the new anthem song for anyone with a broken heart and lost love.
Six months before Disney’s Frozen came out in theaters, I was having my own heartache with a husband having an affair with a co-worker.
He told me he didn’t want to be married anymore and that he was going to continue to date this woman.
Crazy? Insane? Stupid?
Yes to all three. It was the most unbearable time in my entire life. What in the world was he doing? Throwing away everything?
I knew I had to give him the space he needed so that in time he’d see for himself that this woman wasn’t going to make him happy. A person has to be happy on their own before they can share that with another. My husband hadn’t been happy for a long time. He was looking for someone to make him happy. And we all learn one day, that the secret to being happy is being happy with yourself first.
I sought out anyone and everyone older and wiser to help me. I interviewed hundreds of men and women who had been in my spot, last year or even 30 years ago. They all told me the same thing, “Let him go…”
What????? How??? Are you kidding??? He was my partner! My life! I can’t let this woman win! I can’t let this woman steal my husband!
The advice was steadfast (from everyone) “Let him go….”
Go where? Where will he go? Where will I go? We share kids, money, friends! I remembered that saying from High School, “if you love something, set it free, if it doesn’t come back, it wasn’t meant to be. If it does comes back, love it forever, ” I loved that saying when I was a kid. Now, with this affair? I hated it.
“Let him go…”
I fought it, but I understood. The only way he was going to see and miss what he had, was if I got out of his way and let him go…
“Let him go….”
It was like I was five years old having to give back Santa’s best Christmas gift! I told him he could not have a girlfriend and live with us. I told him to move out, away from myself and our kids. It wasn’t what I wanted. But it was what I had to do. I had to let him go.
It was hard. We were to be married forever….there was no guarantee. I was going it alone. And I was scared…but undaunted. I was in Vegas with my mom and kids and even took a black market and wrote it on my arm. I was in Vegas. Hmm…tattoo? No. Not me.
I decided I would let him go as a partner…but I stood by him as a friend, and confidant. I was letting go, but I wasn’t giving up! I never let him see me cry. I was strong and happy. Happy. Really happy. I took a few jobs that I loved so much I laughed all day long. I became happy inside and out. I became the girlfriend he met 20 years earlier. The one he decided to marry so long ago. She had died into motherhood and stupid silly responsibilities.
That was almost 2 years ago.
Today…the girlfriend is gone, as is our savings and (as of a few months ago) his job of 20 years.
Letting him go paid off…he is his own man, his own decision maker, his leader of his own life. And I am doing what I want in my life for work and fun.
And yes, he is home, making man decisions and facing a new normal.
If you are going through this now….I’m praying for you and hoping you find strength enough to love your husband by letting him go.
It’s not simple…but it is.